Oy Was I Thirsty
Old Jewish joke: Old man on a train, repeatedly complaining, “Oy, am I thirsty. Oy, am I thirsty.” Over and over. The other passengers are getting agitated. Finally, a kind woman goes to the dining car, buys a bottle of water and gives it to the man. He drinks it all up and sits in […]
I Don’t Know What a Zig-a-Zig-ah Is, But I Really Really Want One Too
The song is “Wannabe,” by the Spice Girls. I’ve had its intro in my head since I first heard it in the late 90s: “Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want.” ”So tell me what you want, what you really really want.” And that’s how I think about the crucial, […]
The “Rosemary’s Baby” Test
When someone you care about is struggling with a problem, you might be tempted to give them advice. While coming from a well-meaning place, unsolicited advice is likely to make things work. That’s because it’s usually received as a passive-aggressive form of criticism: “I know better, so I’m going to tell you what to do.” […]
I’m Not an Achiever — So What?
When someone you care about is struggling with a problem, you might be tempted to give them advice. While coming from a well-meaning place, unsolicited advice is likely to make things worse. That’s because it’s usually received as a passive-aggressive form of criticism: “I know better than you, so I’m going to tell you what […]
How to Tame a Stressed-Out Mind
When I work with a client to help them achieve what matters most to them, we spend a great deal of time and focus on the relationship between them and their mind. (Sometimes I’m the couples therapist of last resort — things can get ugly in there.) I talk about “Mindset Mastery,” but that’s not […]
My Most Embarrassing (And Effective) Productivity Technique
The following is a transcript of an actual conversation that went on in my head at 6:15 p.m. on January 1, 2013: Vicious Inner Critic (VIC): Why aren’t we writing more articles for Fast Company? It’s a great venue for our ideas, and we’re totally blowing them off. We’ve written what, like five articles in […]
How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome
There’s a discussion going on in a coaching networking group I belong to about how to help clients who are struggling with imposter syndrome. As someone who is intimately familiar with the feeling that I’m just fooling people, and the minute I let down my guard everyone will see that I’m a total fraud, I […]
Is this a problem or a gift?
In You CAN Change Other People, Peter Bregman and I share the Four Steps to help the people you care about get unstuck and achieve positive outcomes in their lives. The third step, Opportunity, guides you to help your conversation partner discover how their annoying problem is actually a doorway to their energizing outcome. This reorientation […]